Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
