Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am never drinking with the goths again.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize