Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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