He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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