Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
