If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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