can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
