so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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