Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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