No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
