Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
is that a dick in a sweater?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
