i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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