I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
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Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
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All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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