WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
