It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
my shit smells like andre
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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