Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I smell like Dick and happiness
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