I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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