i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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