Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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