He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
