I wish my penis had an off switch
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
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