Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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