My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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