Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
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