i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize