Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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