Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize