I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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