I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
She told me I should be a condom model.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
