i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Randomize
