she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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