Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
