It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
