I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
