That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
