I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
