I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize