So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Randomize
