I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
