Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
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