May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
