Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
