Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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