im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
