I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
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