Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
