The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
look no pants
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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