thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
