the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
