Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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