Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
