I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize
