Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i came on her dog
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
