I hate all girls vehemently.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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