so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
