Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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