i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
