booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize