why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
