Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Never underestimate the power of titties
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
