I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
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no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
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If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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