if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
