I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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