Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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