he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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