The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
