I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
