dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
third nipple confirmed
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
