eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
