I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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