I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
