someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
The best revenge is premature balding
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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