there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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