Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Randomize
