He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
