Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
