Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
