i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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