my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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