The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
