Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
